I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I would ride that face into the sunset
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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