oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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