i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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