New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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