We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
