I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
