ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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