I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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