friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
How external is "for external use only"?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
