I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
