You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
