Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
