Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
