Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
