My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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