my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
