Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
