guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
