Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
