So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
