it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
