This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
