FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
