That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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