they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
