You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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