They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
