if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
