his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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