I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I party with great urgency now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
