I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
