We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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