is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
