i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
