you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
