There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
