Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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