Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
