The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
