They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
