im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the condom got lost in my hair
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want nice things and good sex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
