how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
