i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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