he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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