I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
