i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
