Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
