508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
