this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
