so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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