I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
