I'm passing your future prison.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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